Waiting..

chips close colors crisps
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I finished my final exam last night for my CFT course! YAY!! Now I have to wait for it to be graded, 2-3 business days. O.M.G. I’m so so so bad at waiting. I’ve checked my email 18475343 times today already!! Plus I’m totally having the “holy shit maybe I should have re-written every single essay just in case”.  Which is crap because I busted my ass on those. The first time. Anyway…

Now that I’m done this course (hopefully) I’m in a celebratory mood. I’ve got a whole lazy night planned out for myself. Shower, jammies, and painting my poor neglected toes that are still sporting whats left of a pedi I had back in August. It’s not good. It’s not pretty.

The problem I AM having is that I want to snack. Stress eating isn’t something I partake in. The minute I have a tiny bit of anxiety my appetite goes right out the window. What I DO suffer from is “happy eating”.  Everything is wonderful, I want to celebrate life, I have NOTHING I have to do..fuck it, lets eat some chips!!! Luckily for me, I had the presence of mind to resist temptation at the grocery store today and didn’t buy any. I don’t actually want the chips, I just want to feel my happiness (and relief, I’ll be honest) and sit in my happy bubble all by myself and snack.  Don’t get me wrong, I allow myself LOTS of treats. Devoured some chips on Sunday, actually. That’s how I know I’m not really craving them. It’s emotional eating and it’s a bitchIf it’s not in the house though, I can’t eat it. Parenting 101 states that said parent must not leave little kids alone in the house to go and indulge in cravings. So, I sit and figure out a game plan.

So far, it looks like I’ll be busy enough fixing my tragic feet and turning them into something that resembles a woman’s foot instead of a field hand out of the 1800’s. But there’s those crackers…the ones that my son and I cannot get enough of. There’s fruit too..but that’s not terribly tempting. And a little bit of candy because I had to convince my children that black licorice is WONDERFUL and they just needed to experience it the right way lol. Too much of that gives me a headache so it’s not tempting me.

I’m trying to teach myself to learn to sit with my  happiness, feel all of it (which I totally fucking deserve to feel by the way..that course really took it out of me) and enjoy it. Self love doesn’t mean sabotaging goals. It means that I am worth the work that it takes to make decisions that are best for me…and mindless snacking is not whats best for me. Not tonight.

 

What are your emo-eating strategies? Do you have one? Do you indulge in them a little? A lot? I’d love to hear them!

 

CM

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