Just when you think you’re out..it pulls you back in.
Not just pull..it can yank you violently from your place of comfort and security and fuck you up. It can shake your foundation, no matter how strong, and throw you completely off balance. You likely won’t see it coming either..it’s a sneaky bitch.
What am I referring to?
Comparing yourself to others.
Whether it’s comparing your life to someone else’s or their marriage, work, or the physical, comparison will instantly steal the joy from your heart.
I thought I was beyond that. I’m comfortable in my skin. I’m happy where I am in my fitness journey. My life is incredible. I really like my job, love my other job, LOVE LOVE the new job that’s coming to me. I have awesome kids, an amazing man, and a family that I adore. Even my dog is pretty fucking awesome.
However, in just a couple of swipes on my phone, it crashed down hard yesterday. I heard that all-to familiar voice “but I’ll never look like her” “wow, she’s basically perfect” “if I just didn’t eat those chips this weekend, WHY DID I EAT THOSE CHIPS??” and so on. It was so fast I didn’t see it coming. It hurt me. It made me sad. It made me angry. The only difference from this time to the other 9475653 times I’ve had this happen, is this time it didn’t derail me for the whole day.
I let myself feel it. Then I decided to move on and continue working to be the best version of myself. That’s all I can do.
I’m not sure this ever goes away..especially in the age of social media. When I was 10, 20, 30lbs heavier than I am now I thought “oh, when you are at Xlbs, you won’t think that anymore. Uh, no. It actually doesn’t matter what size you are, the comparison game is always available to play. There will ALWAYS be someone that, in your mind, looks better, does life better, is a better momma, etc etc.
**SPOILER ALERT** this is NOT a size/weight thang..sorry to say.
In the process of shaking off this negativity yesterday..I did what I always do when I need to feel better. I moved my body. I did a hard, intense workout. I LOVE doing those because it reminds me of what MY body can do..what my brain can make my body do. I am strong, capable, and no matter what, I’ll never stop trying.