(April 2015, 138lbs – Aug 2018, 131lbs)
I totally used to think it was. It was ALL about that number on the scale.
It was reward, it was punishment, it was the almighty fucking scale and all I wanted in the world was for that number to be 130lbs. For the record, I was 138 – 140lbs and I really believed that losing that little amount was going to be the “thing” that finally made me happy.
What I was looking for, and am proud to say that I’ve found, was actual happiness. Without being totally aware at the time, I was just not happy. And it had very little (like, nothing at all) to do with that number. And it has been one hell of a ride so far!! I wouldn’t trade this journey for all the money in the world. The struggles have literally shaped me into who I am today. And the struggles I will encounter continuing forward will shape me further. I love that. Embrace the struggle ❤
When my language changed, so did my body. When my motivation changed, my body followed. WHEN MY MIND CHANGED, MY BODY FOLLOWED. I stopped doing workouts because I hated my body. I stopped restricting foods I loved. I stopped talking to myself in a manner that I would NEVER use on anyone else. I stopped feeling guilt and shame over food. I wanted to feel strong. That number on the scale became irrelevant, and instead, my ‘metric’ to measure my success became COMPLETELY focused on how I felt in my skin. That’s it. FEELING. How liberating it is!!
The reason I don’t want to be your “weightloss” coach is because when you lose that weight..then what? What’s the plan when you hit that number you’ve been yearning for? Exactly. There isn’t one. Usually. There needs to be another reason for changing your ways..the way you eat, exercise, health. There needs to be motivation deeper than a number on a scale (especially one that fluctuates with a glass of water or a damn pee break). It takes some reflection and deep digging sometimes to figure out a goal that isn’t a number on the scale..most of us have been focused on that for so long it’s a hard habit to break. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have zero issue with a goal being “I want to look like a badass in a pair of jeans’, or bikini, or whatever..I completely understand. And I want that too. If you just focus on one event though (wedding day, for example) what happens after? Trust me, if you have the goal of “I want to be be strong af and continue to stay strong af into my 80s” then that is going to motivate you for a lot longer! WIN!!!
I want to help you unpack some of your food baggage. I want you to feel good, I want you to feel STRONG AF. I want you to never stand in front of a mirror again and feel sad..regardless of what the size of your jeans might be.
There is power in food and our relationship with it, and it is either really good or really bad. When it’s good..your world changes. You will too.
I hit 130lbs today and guess what? Nothing changed. I was as happy this morning as I was 2 weeks ago when it said 135lbs. And as happy as I’ll be next week if it says 125, or 135. Unicorns didn’t magically appear bringing me the key to happiness…which of course I don’t need because I already have that 🙂